Σκέψεις
by Belladonna-Isabella
Summary: *Spoilers* up to chapter400. Itachi is a mystery. No one understands him and he doesn’t share his thoughts with anyone. What might he be thinking about his past and his actions? R&R!


Written for the **Character Trait Writing Contest**. Contest title: **Trait selection**.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**Warning:** spoilers up to chapter 400 of the manga.

**A/N:** This is my view of Itachi. He is calm, introspective and patient. Everything he has done was for a reason, a plan that he had to follow for many years. His calmness comes from the fact that he has tried to suppress his emotions and has succeeded to an extent. Even when thinking he tries to keep his emotions suppressed. His thoughts are his own and they are never to be voiced. Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy and don't forget to review!

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**oOo**

_Ninja are killing tools, nothing more and nothing less._

_We learn from an early age to kill. I was almost eight years old when I first killed another human being._

_A ninja learns to expect his __own death and the death of the people he cares about._

_I saw war at an early age, I saw death, and I dealt death…because that is what ninja do._

_We are tools for war._

_When the third ninja war finally came to a close, after having claimed the lives of many men, women and children, of people who were not warriors or ninja, people who were just…casualties of war, I swore to myself that I would do my utmost to try and maintain peace._

_I never expected all this to happen._

_I was determined to uphold my decision and when the time came…to give even my life in defense of the village. What I hadn't imagined was that the ones who would threaten the village would be the ones who helped create it… my own family, the Uchiha clan. _

_No matter what the Hokage or I tried__**, **__it soon became clear that there was no other option…the Uchiha had to die. The only way to prevent an internal conflict, __the escalation of which might __have started another ninja war, was for me to kill my family. That was the price for the stability of the village and the preservation of peace._

_Ninja are expected to have no emotions and to carry out their missions swiftly and accurately, but __we are human and that means that we will always have some feelings. There is no way for us to completely suppress our emotions._

_From an early age I was considered a genius, a ninja prodigy, but even I was not able to be completely cut off from my emotions. I felt despair…I didn't know what choice to make. Then…I felt hate, hate for the clan for forcing me to choose. And I did choose. I managed to numb my feelings and I killed them._

_First I killed my best friend, to obtain the power needed. Then I sought out the only person who could help me, another Uchiha like myself. That person held a grudge against the clan and was eager to assist me._

_With Madara's help the task was more than easy…Methodically, we slaughtered everyone. I took it upon myself to kill my parents. I wanted to make sure they died as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Then…Sasuke came, my little brother. I couldn't kill him. He always was the most precious person to me, because he was the one that needed my protection the most._

_So, I chose to let him live and to give him a motive to survive and acquire power. Revenge! He would have to chase after me, to hate me and become powerful enough to kill me. I told him about the requirements of the Mangekyou and set him on the path of the avenger. I hoped that it would be enough to give him the motivation to continue living despite his pain._

_If I want to be honest however, I also did it for me. I want him to kill me, to punish me for my sins. I know my actions were justified, in a way, but that doesn't mean I do not carry any guilt or feel no pain. I deserve to be loathed and hated, because I hate and loathe myself. However, I will continue living. I will only die by my brother's hand when he will be powerful enough to kill me…powerful enough to live on his own._

_Before I left the village I paid a final visit to the Hokage, who agreed to keep Sasuke safe and to never reveal anything about what really happened that led to the Uchiha massacre. I also went to see Danzo, because I felt certain that he would try something against Sasuke.I had to threaten him that if something happened to Sasuke, I would give all strategic information about the village to a hostile country. That shook him up and I think he understood how serious I was and to what lengths would I go for my brother._

_I am certain that Madara knows some of this, so I will have to take preventative measures in order to keep everything a secret. Sasuke must never know what really happened. I will never tell him the truth about the clan or about me. He must never learn the truth. I want him to feel proud of the Uchihas. I want him to remember them as he knew them and not as they actually were. I have made him feel so much pain already…I do not want to inflict any more suffering on him._

_The night of the massacre, I revealed the true secret of the Sharingan to Sasuke__. My reason for doing so is not only to provide him with power. In truth, it is my desperate attempt to help him…the person I loved the most, the one I cared about more than any other member of my family. If he decides to activate the Mangekyou he will first need to get involved with people, to find a best friend. Sasuke will not be able to kill that friend. He is a kind, caring and loving person. So instead, I hope that he will find at least one person who can support and help him. He will perhaps even learn that true strength comes from protecting the people you care about. If, despite my predictions, he manages to acquire the Mangekyou, then I will be able to give him a gift…the ultimate Sharingan._

_When the time comes and I face my little brother once again, it will probably mean the end for me. That is something I have accepted and something I expect. I have given up everything for the village and for my brother. The blindness inflicted by the Sharingan is progressing steadily, so I have to be careful in using it. I can fight even in total darkness but I really want to be able to look at Sasuke in the end. I wait patiently for the last confrontation. It is then that I will be able to fulfill my last duty…the duty that an older brother has towards his younger sibling._

_I will die protecting him…_

_Then and only then will I be able to rest in peace._

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**oOo End oOo**

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Many thanks to MimozaBlooming for betaing this!


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